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“A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke” -Søren Kierkegaard |
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| Jim Dale |
I'd get more applause than some because I was just seventeen. If they didn't clap at the end of my act I would limp off stage and boy would they feel guilty. They would all burst into tremendous applause as they saw this poor cripple kid walking off. |
| Scott Adams |
Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. |
| Tom Baker |
Well, I think if more people had more applause, it would make them feel better. I often give my wife a round of applause. If the meal is very good I give her a standing ovation. |
| Mitch Hedberg |
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. |
| Tennessee Williams |
We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it. |
| Patch Adams |
Clowning is a trick to get love close. I can hug 99 percent of people in the first second of contact if I'm in my clown character. The clown assumes your humanity. It assumes that, whatever trauma you've had, you can still love yourself. |
| Angelina Jolie |
I've realized that being happy is a choice. You never want to rub anybody the wrong way or not be fun to be around, but you have to be happy. When I get logical and I don't trust my instincts - Thats when I get in trouble. |
| Baltasar Gracian |
Fortunate people often have very favorable beginnings and very tragic endings. What matters isn't being applauded when you arrive - for that is common - but being missed when you leave. |
| Audrey Hepburn |
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and... I believe in miracles. |
| Audrey Hepburn |
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. |
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Part of this ladys show is making cat noises while she plays the ukulele. no joke
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I ordered pizza and my house is kimdve difficult to find if you don't know where it is. For special instructions I wrote 'if you are facing the house their is a sidewalk on the right that leads to a door. There will be a man in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, and he will take you to the whopper lair."
A. I hope they actually bring me pizza. I normally order as Max Power but thought that was too much this time.
B. I hope someone laughed and got the joke. Lol
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When you start crying from stress and overexertion in your advisor's office and they make a bad joke about how tears should be reserved for when your boyfriend breaks up with you, and you were just broken up with... #badtiming #DrFaisalQuotes
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i recently heard a joke from a comedian about how XYZ people will never speak english around you despite years of school, but get em drunk and they speak right up
This post is a comment.
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"I've had to live my life pretending that I'm colorblind."
One day in middle school, we were doing something with colors, I cant remember what but it had to do with colors, so I turned to the girl next to me and said as a joke, "Which one of these is blue? I'm colorblind.", while holding up 3 markers that weren't even close to blue. But here's the catch, she actually thought that I was colorblind, so she points out what the blue one was and we go on with our day. Or so I thought. About a week later someone is talking about uno, and I remember this because this was one of the weirdest conversations I've had with someone. So were talking about uno, and the girl goes, "Cal, you must be a shitty uno player because you're colorblind.", so everyone starts asking about it and I have to come up ...
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Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
Tl;DR: Casted Thot Erasure on my girlfriend and now I'm afraid it may have worked.
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"Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening.
My girlfriend (who let me tell you is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am "invited to dinner" with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.
I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.
...
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I had a dream where I had a dream and in both my dream and my dream's dream people that I didn't want to seduce me were trying to seduce me and it was weird and I don't want to get into it but in my dream there was a cartoon TV show that I was watching with these strangers and the plot was there was a family of platypuses and the punch line of every joke was that the parents would accidentally kill their daughter platypus and then she would come back to life looking more deformed. It was a great show.
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The 90's are credited for a 'golden era' of hip hop. There is still so much intrinsically spiritual music from this era to discover. The whole world was in the thicket of a deeply introspective hip hop beat, and this culmination and amalgamation of hundreds of emcees deep in thought should rightfully be credited to the huge strides in hip hop's group consciousness at the time. If you listen to enough of the right material from this time, you can very clearly see the overlapping religious themes and feel the essence of what hip hop was at the time. Many of these artists unable to even come close to the styles they were delivering at the time. MCs all over the Americas were pulling fire right out of the ether for at least a solid few years.
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"BEND, Ore. (AP) — There are challenges that come with running the last Blockbuster Video on the planet.
The computer system must be rebooted using floppy disks that only the general manager — a solid member of Gen X — knows how to use. The dot-matrix printer broke, so employees write out membership cards by hand. And the store’s business transactions are backed up on a reel-to-reel tape that can’t be replaced because Radio Shack went out of business."
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