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one time i told my boyfriend i really needed some tweezers and asked him to stop and grab some from cvs on his way to see me and he was like sure and then he showed up with twizzlers because i think that's what he thought i said but i think the best part about this was that he asked no questions about me supposedly needing twizzlers so bad that he should take a detour to pick them up for me |
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| books |
Dec. 15, 2018, 3:26 p.m. |
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| James Joyce |
I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. |
| Michael Eklund |
The thing is, I never see my characters as psychopaths. I see them as really crippled victims who just happen to do bad things. And I never see them as bad guys; I see them as darker characters. I never see anything as good or bad; it's more light or dark, and the in-between is the grey. |
| Marc Jacobs |
No one ever said 'no' to me about anything. No one ever told me anything was wrong. Never. No one ever said, 'You can't be a fashion designer.' No one ever said, 'You're a boy and you can't take tap-dancing lessons.' No one ever said, 'You're a boy and you can't have long hair.' |
| Jermaine Jackson |
To see him there lifeless and breathless was very emotional for me. But I held myself together because I knew he's very much alive in his spirit, and that was just a shell. But I kissed him on his forehead, and I hugged him, and I touched him and I said, 'Michael, I'll never leave you. You'll never leave me.' |
| Sylvia Earle |
The best scientists and explorers have the attributes of kids! They ask question and have a sense of wonder. They have curiosity. 'Who, what, where, why, when, and how!' They never stop asking questions, and I never stop asking questions, just like a five year old. |
| Matthew Henry |
Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him. |
| Andrew Eldritch |
We decided to play the NEC because we were asked to, and because we actually rather like the place: we've always enjoyed doing it before. We don't often get sensible offers to play in the UK, so most years we just play on the mainland, with the occasional exotic detour. |
| Dinesh D'Souza |
If Obama came by his liberalism in the faculty lounge, then sure, he can see it hasn't worked, and he can modify it. But if Obama got his formative ideas when he was very young, and if they are the result of his traumatic relationship with his father, then they are built into his psyche. |
| Scott Adams |
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? |
| Angelina Jolie |
I've realized that being happy is a choice. You never want to rub anybody the wrong way or not be fun to be around, but you have to be happy. When I get logical and I don't trust my instincts - Thats when I get in trouble. |
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I had a dream that I lived in Europe somewhere and I had this shed where I took chairs that my parents painted and tried to sell them. I had to take some of the chairs and scrape off the paint in places where they needed to be modified so that they would sell better. I was working one day when a girl with a broken arm walked up to me and asked me out. I told her I didn't live there and I was going back to the USA. She gave me her number anyway and then her mom showed up and made her leave. Then there was this whole other part of my dream where people were killing each other and there were some gangs and stuff but I don't know if that had anything to do with the chairs or if they were just in the same city or what.
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"Back in 99 just before the Y2K scare, my buddy worked there and would get calls like that all the time. He would pick up the phone when they called and not say anything for a second to see if he could hear any snickering before saying the store greeting. If he could tell it was going to be a prank call he would start the greeting and then congratulate them on being the lucky caller that would receive a free game for calling. All they had to do was come down and pick it up. Sounds stupid but it worked every time. When the kids showed up to get the free game he would have them pose with the game they chose, take their picture with the Polaroid camera, take the game from them and then ask “How does it feel to be pranked? Stop calling the store and get out”."
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I had a dream that I was looking for a roommate and this girl said she wanted to meet up at Burger King. I haven't been to a Burger King in years. I got there first and ordered some food and then she asked me to order for her. She ordered 35 dollars worth of chicken nuggets and then asked for a dozen bottles of orange flavored Perrier water... which I'm pretty sure Burger King does not have. She never showed up and I don't really remember what happened after that but I think I ate all the nuggs.
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I had a dream where I spent a lot of time in airports. I was going to Japan again for a conference I think. I had a sister and my mom was not my mom. They both said they were going to Japan too and that they booked flights so they could meet me there. I told them that I had to go to California first. They hadn't realized that this meant I wasn't going to be in Japan at the same time as them and I didn't know why they hadn't put in the effort to ask me before buying the tickets. Then in one of the airports I saw an ex-girlfriend and I asked her what she was doing and she said "I want to be the queen of England". Then I said "uhh okay" and walked away.
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I had a dream I was at an orchestra concert and I was not in the concert but I was standing in this pit near the stage. I held up an instrument and asked someone whose violin it was and someone said it was a viola. Then the orchestra started performing and I tried to call out of the pit but I couldn't get out. Then my parents were there and they got up during the performance and tried to help me which was embarrassing. Then they told me to go home and meet them there. I went to their house and the house was more like a greenhouse and all the walls and doors were glass. I went there and started making pizza with some pizza dough. I drew a face in the dough with my finger and then ripped the dough around the face off. Then I continued making a pizza with all the dough. I knew a person would show up pretending to be my parent but would secretly be a demon and that I should pretend that I don't know that so I can escape. But then a demon just showed up with a huge knife and started walkin...
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okay, so the first number is going to be about how Chancy really wants these poptarts but in the song she's revealing that she really wants a relationship with her hot priest roommate. because symbolism. no actually it's because they hooked up a couple times but never really acknowledge that fact, and they carry on as good friends the same as normal, which chancy appreciates, but she also feels like she knows the priest thinks about how they have hooked up and carry-on as normal without acknowledging it, and that feels very...interesting.
She interrupts this verse with like a chorus about wanting the poptarts. and you're (chorus members) just like "why does she want these poptarts so bad and why is this so weirdly important for her,"
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"Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening.
My girlfriend (who let me tell you is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am "invited to dinner" with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.
I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.
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Customer at subway "wants to speak to the manager"
I worked at a subway that didn't have any authority/managers, just a couple minimum wage base level workers. I don't remember what this particular customer was mad about but she was arguing with me and didn't like the answer I gave her. She asked to speak to the manager, and there not being a manager I decided to promote myself on the spot and replied with "manager speaking, how can I help you." This did not make her very happy because she realized she was not going to get a different answer and asked for a phone number to call. The owner has specifically told us never to give his cell number to customers so i gave her the store number. She gives me a shit eating grin thinking about how much trouble she's about to get me in when the phon...
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I had a weird dream where I was in a liquor store or something and it had all these pool tables. I was buying candy and alcoholic beef jerky (no idea how that works). My parents showed up and told me to meet them somewhere and then left. My friend also showed up and told me I was taking too long and that we should leave. I said okay but then realized I had lost my shoe. I was looking for my shoe for a while and then went to check out and I had so much stuff I was going to buy and I kept pulling it out of my pockets.
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Okay so I just had a guy holler at me while I was crossing the street. He said he is a messenger for the lord and god wanted him to talk to me. I was already across the street omw to work but I said "sure Im into this shit" and waited for him to cross because thre were a lot of cars coming. immediately gave him my big sherm business card. he asked me if i had an addiction i wanted to overcome and i was like absolutely im trying to quit drinking and he asked me if he could pray over me and if he could put his hand on my shoulder. then he did a prayer and said holy fire a lot and jesus and it was quite a moment. his name is jeoffrey (not sure of the spelling) but he kidna looked like matisyahu lol
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