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jelixers Sept. 3, 2014, 3 a.m.
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I have a big problem: There is a forum I've written on for a couple years now called high existence where people ponder reality and different social issues with regards to freedom and truth and love. Ive met two alcoholic guys there who are very creative and I started to look up to them more than myself bc they always seemed to have an answer for everything, even if it was that I was a worthless cunt doll who should be dragged by the hair and curb stomped. I shared so much with these people and still look up to them so much even though they both think I'm a pathetic attention whore and say I'm so empty I can't fill a blank space and only want the d. They take all of my anxiety and worry from their slander and channel it into making art that everyone else admires them for as creative geniuses. One of then claimed to be In love with me for a year and spoke to me everyday with seeming sincerity, and even got me to drive to Minnesota to see
him, and told the other one he was "just fooling around with me" even though I believe he is genuine and has an emotional problem like most people. I don't understand reality, or how you can value one thing or person over another. But it's important to be able to trust yourself for the truth over anyone else, bc no two peoples truth will seem the same and if you give your power to someone you think is superior, they probably won't look out for your sanity and peace as well as you could if you only believe in yourself, amidst the chatter of everyone else's truth. Furthermore, if you have the power of freedom of expression bc your mind is open and you love yourself, please be sensitive to other peoples need to claim their own space. Being so listened to can stifle that freedom in others who are more caring about validating other peoples perspectives instead of plowing through always with their own.
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